Greased Lightning

After eating some dried fruit at work yesterday, I ran to the bathroom and released liquid poop, like I had a hose for intestines. Every time I stepped out of the bathroom door, I walked back in. It happened four times. To find out the culprit of my suffering, I looked in the toilet and saw pieces of cilantro, eaten with the pizza the night before. It was the four slices of x-large cheese pizza and the quesadillas. Then I went home and pooped. Then I went to pee, pushing out the pee as hard as I can so I can pee as fast as I can. Doing so, I pushed out a fart that turned out to be poop, and I quickly sat back down on the toilet. Maybe it's just better to pee while sitting down.